Re-Working The Pitch

I’m back. I am thrilled at the feedback from my post, The Pitch. I thank you for your invaluable suggestions. Getting critiqued stings a bit but is necessary to get better! 

A series of messages resulting from The Pitch put me in contact with the owner of a publishing company who picked apart my pitch and let me know I have a lot to work on! What a privilege to have that critique so early on in my adventure! In summary, here is what she recommended: less about character and location, and use fewer words. She gave several specifics on my pitch, but some general advice as well. She stated that one of the best ways to write a cover copy is to let a critique partner write the first draft after you've verbally told them about the book in 3 to 5 minutes. This forces you to tell them only the highlights, exciting parts, and main plot.

So here is a second rewrite for now:

Prim, a seventeen-year-old introverted orphan, didn't realize when she entered the contest how quickly she'd be thrust into the upper tier Elite of Medadrom society. A common cottager chosen to represent alongside the prince the entire Kingdom of Medad at the Universus? It just hadn’t happened before. Prim must fight to hold on to her right to represent Medad when the Elite begin to pressure her. Prim questions who she can trust. As the departure with Prince Quintus to the Universus draws near, she discovers more is going on at Galadrom Palace than the simple political games of the Elite. An outside threat to the kingdom. Overheard conspiracy within. Unwittingly she has interfered with the pinnacle events of a decades-long plan to corrupt Medad. Will Prim hold on to her resolve to be the representative she knows Medad needs? Or will she back down as threats on her life begin to appear?

I know it needs some work, but it is a little better. I hope. I plan to re-write it again with a yet undiscovered critique partner probably after I get the book written!


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